Breakdown;

2012-02-08T20:32:00.001+08:00

It's okay. I'm fine. I just miss you a little bit.
It's scary how we became strangers so quickly.
It's sad how you don't even bother saying hi anymore.
Is it okay for me to lose you too?

2012-02-07T15:15:00.001+08:00

Respect. What do you understand about it, dude?

2012-02-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

This made me tear.
Always remember, I'm just a text away (":

2012-02-02T16:10:00.001+08:00

Blurred boundaries.

2012-01-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

What is this I'm feeling?
Jealousy? Disappointment? Frustration?
Sometimes I wish I could just go right up to you and tell you how I feel.
Hiding my feelings is not exactly my forte.
But my pride stopped me. It told me to not act rashly.
I don't know if you feel the way I do, or even think of me at all.
But I know that you're different from everybody else.
I'm so confused, but I won't make any assumptions.
Cause assumptions leads to misunderstandings and it'll bring about mistakes.
Will giving up be a better option?
I don't wanna hurt anymore.
I just wanna be happy. I just wanna be myself.

"I wish I could tell you."
Do you trust me or not?
"I suggest you all start your revision early."
Yes ma'am. Got it.
Studying my ass off from this weekend onwards.
Provided I can stay awake, after training my ass off.
You make me dread training so much.
And I've never ever dreaded training in my life.

It feels kinda good to relieve all these shit from your heart.
So many life lessons learnt in just a day.
Feel so darn good now.
Off to apply counterpain. It shall be my bestfr tonight.

2012-01-22T22:16:00.000+08:00

I wish I had an elder sibling.
I'll really share everything I have with him/her. My goodies, my troubles and my joy.
If I had a brother, he can stand up for me. Wrestle with me, do boyish things with me.
If had a sister, we can share everything with each other, from guy troubles to makeup to clothes.
I hate being the oldest. I really want an elder sibling. So so much )':

IMY C. C C C ):

2012-01-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

You're worth it. I know it.
One and only, forever and always.

2012-01-16T21:27:00.001+08:00

It's only the second week of being a JC2 kid.
And I'm already exhausted.
Will I really make it through this year?
I can't afford to fail though. I don't want to cause anybody any disappointment.

2012-01-09T19:48:00.004+08:00

To my closest friend on Earth.

Happy 18th Birthday, Ng Yun Shan!

Please stay bubbly and fun-filled.

Love You! (:

2011-12-29T22:51:00.002+08:00

Hi world!(: December has been a really busy month for me.

On the 26th, had a family christmas/new year celebration. Exchanged gifts, ate and caught up with one another. But my amount of presents are shrinking ): but oh well. Christmas is the season of giving! (: Went christmas shopping with mum the day before, and we bought like everything for everyone, but can you believed that i held back and didn't buy anything for myself? haha #proud. But anyways, spending christmas with family is a good day to spend the evening.

On the 27th, went out with Stef and Yishing. To celebrate stef's birthday and also catch up with one another. We couldn't stop chatting. Feels good to be able to see them again. Ate at Pizza Hut, then went around shopping and talking. HeeHee(: I missed these girls so much during the holidays! But at least when school starts next year, I can see them everyday ^^

On the 28th, had training in the morning from 9-11. Ran 2.4km, did ab work. Please give me my abs soon ): Then went for OBS BARKER outing! Ate lunch at pastamania with CheeTong, Diego, James, Joyce, Joanna, Leona, RuiYing, XiangQin and WILDBOAR aka JiaEn, then went on to bowl. After that went to catch Alvin and the Chipmunks (I love Theodore. Too cute to resist.) and then went ice skating after that. As expected, I fell. On my butt. Thrice. HAHAHA! so hard to skate eh. I was using my 'skateboard' method, haha using only one leg to propel me forward. LOL. Many thanks to Diego who was my skate coach of the day. Then, OMG there was this uncle that looked at my lousy skills and actually SMIRKED at me. like wtf??? People's first time right?! Chhhh... Then went for dinner and went back home. Fun filled day, and it's good to see these people again. My family for 9days(:

On the 29th, which is TODAY! Went to Mary's house for her birthday surprise. We had an A-MARY-ZING race. Where we went to the Pinnacle and gave her hints to find her present. LOL we waited for about more than 30minutes i think, and she still wasn't down. I was so bored and i was so tempted to join the kids at the bball court. HAHAHA then when she came, she crept up behind me and gave me a shock... Celebration after that, and it was so much fun. Forced 17 chocolates down mary's throat. Wahahahaha!

These few days have been a blast. Many thanks to those that made my day so much better.
OH! went to make new specs just now. My astigma got worse... it increased by 25, so it's like 100 now. haizzz. okay bye world.

2011-12-23T13:21:00.001+08:00

“No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.”

It's the eve of Christmas eve! Christmas shopping done - 0%
What do I want for christmas?

2011-12-22T23:26:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.
My favourite cover so far(:

Just a girl I know.

2011-12-20T23:12:00.001+08:00

I didn't know that you've been through so much.
I really had no idea that you're holding so much in.
Now that the truth is out, I can't just sit and wait for things to blow over.
You need to know,
I'll be here for you. Just like before, forever and always.
Halving the burden and doubling our happiness.
I'll not move on without you.
The power of two. I'll be right here, waiting for you.

2011-12-19T17:08:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I'm saying this, but..
I miss T18 ):
I miss having lessons and lectures.
I miss studying.
I miss being busy.
I miss my routines.
I miss being a student.

2011-12-19T02:27:00.002+08:00

I thought that I won't be, but I'm kinda scared to lose you.
I don't want to. But it seems like I'm running out of chances.
So damn insecured.

2011-12-13T13:17:00.002+08:00

Having a hard time holding on.
Boy, please do something to stop the fire from burning out.

2011-12-09T14:41:00.002+08:00

Hi world! So most of you probably know that I went for OBS 9day course from the 29th Nov to the 7th of Dec, so this post is gonna be on the things i did there (:

Day 1:
Woke up early in the morning, feeling nervous but somewhat excited at the same time. Then prepared to leave for Punggol Jetty. Met Ode, then got split into our groups. Said goodbye to Mainland Singapore and headed off to Ubin after that. OBS camp 1 was big, with lots of greenery and sunlight. I liked it there. Was greeted by the huge Indiana, which is a replica of the ship that Raffles came to Singapore on. Next, we're introduced to our group. Mine was named Barker. And my family for the 9days consists of Me, JiaEn, Leona, XiangQin, Joyce, Joanna, RuiYing, Nick, Diego, James, Brian, Nicholas, Aleph, JiaQi, Javier and not forgetting our instructor, CheeTong! (: They are a group of jolly people and I'm satisfied to be able to belong to this group. Went on to learn how to tie different knots that we'll need to know for the course. There are different methods to tie different knots and this taught me that to make relationships firm and secure, we must try out different methods to gain trust and love. Then we went on to build a Basha, which is a temporary shelter, and can be made from 1 groundsheet, 1 poncho and cotton twine! Cool max right? haha(: then went on to cook dinner, had baked beans and luncheon meat. It tasted not bad actually. I likee (; But I got cut by a canlid #okaycan #fail. Then went to shower and went for my first leadership module. Afterwards was goodnight(:

Day 2:
Woke up at 5.20 because we're supposed to meet at 5.55am for morning PT. Did some conditioning exercises and ran my 2.4km in the forest. Screw the stoney path. But the run was refreshing. Had breakfast and went to do High elements. My group (Me, JiaEn, James and Nick) spent like freaking 1.5h up there. Proves hhow challenging the obstacles are. apparently we had to carry a heavy ladder with us while we climb, like wtfishball? Couldn't reach the top cause we took too much time. The others didnt really get a chance to climb cause we overshot the time. I'm sorry Barker ): Afterwards we went to learnt the different parts of the cutter, which is the sailboat we'll be using. Ropes and sail parts galore. Can't remeber shit at all haha!
Prepared myself for the 4day sea expedition. Day 2 was fun, and I got to know more people and bonded closer to Barker.

Day 3:
I'm the Day IC today! (: Was chosen after we had our Tribal Council. Heh Heh(: First day of our Sea Ex. Managed to pack everything and prepared our cutter to set sail. The name of our cutter is called 'Endeavour'. She's a beautiful cutter and I liked her when I first heard her name. 'Endeavour' like a chio name only. HAHAHA! Learnt how to fasten the Jib Sail with the Jib Sheet, and also learnt how to control the Jib. Was really really fun! Luckily I didn't get seasick(: Set sail to OBS camp 2, but there's no wind ): so we rowed there. Controlled the direction, or Tilled the cutter by pointing or bearing. Now you're asking a direction fool to control direction by looking at the wind direction. It's equivalent to asking a Physics student about Biology.. But nonetheless, managed to get to camp 2 successfully. Unloaded the cutter through the use of Baby Avon. It's a small row boat, where you gotta row everything to shore. Haha it;s tiring. Rowers for the day - Nick Phay and Diego! Whooots! They like a strong only. Heehee(: Pitched our tents, cooked dinner, sardines and curry chicken, which I don't take. Went to shower then to bed. Had to wake up at 1 for night guard duty. Then it was raining, and I was freezing. LOL.

shall continue day 3 and 4 tmr. too much to write. Too tiring. haha! I'm going to Indonesia, Medan, next wed! havent been there before so hope it'll be fun. Yunshan might be going with me!! OH and I went to the ZOO YESTERDAY!!! (:
had lots of fun, but couldn't find nd cows ): then went over to Lot ONE and had dinner at Pizza Hut. LMAO made alot of noise but who cares?! I had fun.

Okay bye world. I'm gonna go Music-Hunting.

2011-12-08T21:18:00.004+08:00

What happens when the water runs away?
What happens when the sunlight starts to fade?
What happens when 'I Love You' comes too late?
What happens when you got no more to give?
When things go wrong, we just go on.

What happens when there’s nothing left to live for?
What happens when the one you love is not the one you’re with?
When things go wrong, we just go on.

No ones scared of flying, we're just scared of crashing down.
No ones scared of falling, we're just scared to hit the ground.
Even if your heart gets broke, you’re stronger then you’ll ever know.
When things go wrong, we just go on.

What happens when your best is not enough?
What happens when your soul mate is already in love?
How you meant to pick the pieces up?
When things go wrong, we just go on.

What happens when your lucky numbers wrong?
What happens when you lose someone you’ve always counted on?
What happens when it feels like life’s just stringing you along?
When things go wrong, we just go on.

2011-11-16T18:45:00.002+08:00

Just like that, I'm crawling back to you.
I almost forgot how I felt about you.
Back to the cold walls that I keep trying to break down.
Please please please try to make a change this time round.

2011-11-11T22:22:00.000+08:00

Shucks. Please don't let me fall sick right before OP.

2011-11-11T22:20:00.002+08:00

When will this game of hide-and-seek end?
If I stop hiding my feelings, will you seek it?

2011-11-10T14:32:00.000+08:00

Manners or Affection?
I can't differentiate anymore.

2011-11-03T17:31:00.002+08:00

'You once liked to drink tea.
Then, you changed to drinking wine, because it is of a higher class and makes you look more sophisticated.
Then, the wine will make you drunk.
And at the end of everything, it's the tea that treats your hangover.
So eventually, you'll go back to drinking tea.' - wise words of Yunshan.

I went back.

2011-11-01T19:28:00.002+08:00

Is it possible to like someone who you have already given up on?

2011-11-01T19:08:00.003+08:00

Dedication 2 - My Cousins

All the chiobu-s. LOL(:

Thorn amongst the roses. Fine lahh. Let him be special.

Anyways. YEAH! These are my cousins on my mother's side.
We hang out a lot. and yes, i love them alot too.
9 of us, including my brother and I.
We've grown up together, same kindergarten.
We do stupid things together.
We got each others' backs.
We always go for cousin outings, and they make me really happy!
I think i grew even closer to my cousins this two years.
They created alot of happy memories for me, and i'll always look forward to meeting them, be it during family gatherings or whatever.
And.. they are awesome people. Like seriously. They wont abandon you or ignore you.
When you need them for company or for talk, they'll always be there.
They mean alot to me, and I'm thankful to be able to be so close with them.
Love them LOTS!

2011-10-27T20:41:00.001+08:00

You or You?

2011-10-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

I wanna be blown away.
I wanna be swept off my feet.
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe.
I wanna be lost in love.
I wanna be your dream come true.
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you.
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful.
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful.

Yes, this song is beautiful(:

2011-10-23T20:30:00.001+08:00

Thought I couldn't live without you.
It's gonna hurt when it heals too.
Even though I really love you.
I'm gonna smile because,
I deserve to.
It'll all get better in time.

2011-10-20T18:16:00.001+08:00

This is the song that's stuck in my head for 3days. Yes, a korean song(:
But, Please don't go.

2011-10-17T18:55:00.001+08:00

I'm not gonna waver.
I'll stand right here, and wait for you to come back for me.

2011-10-11T15:54:00.002+08:00

It's all over now.
Free at last.

2011-10-05T17:55:00.002+08:00

"Never say goodbye when you still want to try. Never give up when you can still take it. Never say you don't like him when you can't let go."

2011-10-02T00:52:00.001+08:00

2011-09-14T20:05:00.004+08:00

Dedication 1 - My Family

So, my family consists of Daddy, Mummy, Bro and I(:
I love them very much. Is there anything more to elaborate?

They were my source of warmth for 17years of my life, and counting.
They gave my strength when I felt vulnerable.
They provided me with a sense of belonging.
But, I haven't been treating them right ever since I got into a JC.
I can blame the tedious JC curriculum all I want, but I know that it's partly my fault too.
I've been throwing far too many tantrums.

Shouting too often, exploding too much.
But they just took everything I threw at them so calmly.
They never complained, never hated or disliked me.
Never judged me, never gave me up.
Parents never failed to encourage me, Brother never failed to give me support and get to me rest when he feels that I'm overworked.

For all that, I thank them very much.
For tolerating my nonsense and moodswings.
For caring for me. Whether I'm tired, stressed or overworked.
For being there for me when I needed them.
Many say that the family is the pillar of strength.
I can't agree enough.

p.s. That's a photo before i got into a JC. LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE! Eyebags and Dark Eye Circles vs Clear and Pretty eyes. See what a JC does to you? )':

2011-09-14T19:49:00.006+08:00

New pick-up line
"Hi, is your name PW? Cause you're driving me crazy.

-------

Anyway, I've decided to do post dedications to 14 people/groups(:
-
1. My family.
2. My cousins.
3. Buddy.
4. Jess.
5. Stefanie.
6. YiShing.
7. Phay.
8. T18.
9. Mystery person no. 1.
10. Mystery person no. 2.
11. Mystery person no. 3.
12. Ang
13. -__-.
14. Neo Jie Wen.

-

I have problem experssing myself verbally. So writing is the best way to express myself.
I've been keeping too much to myself. It's too tiring and that's the reason why i have moodswings so often.
These people are the ones that i care for. Some i care alot, some not so much.
So, yeah(: wait for it.

Off for PW!

2011-09-12T15:10:00.002+08:00

First day of Term 4 (:
Good first day signifies good rest of the term.
So far, the first day of school was awesome.
And I'm a happy girl today.
I realised, when I'm happy, I laugh a lot.
HAHAHAHA!!
Anyway, new term. So new goals.
Goal 1) Stay happy(:
Goal 2) No slacking. Only productive studying allowed!
Goal 3) Ultimately, get promoted.
So, this term will be a study term. Let's go! (:

Boo! I see you! <3

2011-09-11T00:04:00.000+08:00

Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy?
Do I have your love?
Am I still enough?
Tell me Don't I, or tell me Do I, baby.

Give you everything that you ever wanted.
Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life?
Baby, Do I?

2011-09-08T14:50:00.002+08:00

Hi World! so.. Sept holidays are almost over. so fast!
and there's only 28 days left to promos. maybe less *cringe*
anyways.. had holiday lessons yesterday and today. and finally hired tuition teachers for P,C,M.
haha i think i'm gonna die and be buried alive by books. Will I even survive through these 28days?

Studies wise, i think i'm not prepared yet. esp chem. it's ironic right? future chemist not understanding chem. haha i'm such a joke. I've been having people telling me not to go into chem but go into business or banking instead. They say that chemists earn quite little. Idk, that's what they say. so.. i'm quite hesitant now. I don't wanna give up on my dream, but i want a good future so that i can provde for myself and my parents. I don't wanna depend on them so much. This is so frustrating.

OH! I know this is a little late, BUT MY CLASSMATES MADE ME SUCH AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY PRESENT. It's not bought, but handmade. They gave me a scrapbook, and drew so cute and funny stuff. I'll do this in another post. but thankyou thankyou thankyou people! Esp those who wrote in it, the guys and my girls - Yishing, Stef, Jean, CongHao, FangYu, Barbara. Love you guys lots(:

okay. that's about it people. back to the books again.

You know you still like him, when your heart goes flip-flop whenever you see his face. Even if it's after years or days. You know you're gonna have a hard time convincing yourself to let go, when you see him at the weirdest time and weirdest places. especially when everybody tells you that it's fate. But be it fate or not, I just can't seem to forget you.

2011-09-01T23:56:00.002+08:00

Beginning of Sept Hols!! (:
i'm gonna study. like mad study this holidays. so people, if i dont update, please don't blame me (:

anyways. i don't know what my body wants. Abrasion on the soles of my feet, then strained my back, and now? ulcer in my mouth. wtf?! regretted not wearing proper shoes to PE :/

alrightyy peeps. i'm off to spam counterpain on my back. See you next time!

2011-08-30T02:18:00.006+08:00

I AM OFFICIALLY SEVENTEEN! (:

Had a celebration at my house, it was for my birthday and also for housewarming.
i'm so thankful right now, for everybody in my life, whoever you are, whatever role you play.
Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today.
so.. a few important people to thank and they are the ones I hold close to my heart.

My Family.

Yes, Dad, Mum, Me and my Brother.
Thank you daddy and mummy for raising me for 17 years, tolerating my nonsense and bearing with my tantrums. Working for me without any resentments or complains. Thank you for your advices and care. You can continue nagging at me, cause I love you all that way(: please stay healthy and loving, so as to watch me grow and mature. Love You Daddy and Mummy.

As for my brother, YOU! Just piss me off a little less, annoy me a little less often, study harder, play less computer and be more matured. THINK OF YOUR FUTURE! Then, I'll be really grateful huh. (:

Friends.

Buddy, Jess, Madman and Mary. The best bunch you can ever get. The only bunch I would ever ask for.

To Buddy, Yvonne Ng Yun Shan: Hello Buddy! So.. I'm 17th? Thank you for being with me during my secondary school life, never abandoning me, never leaving me. I like it when people sees us as inseparable good friends. It makes me feel so proud. Of us, and our friendship. Anyways, Thank You for your VANS OMG! Thank you for splurging on me, and I'm certain that your mum's wallet hates me now. Hee ^^ Thanks for being my buddy and caring for me. I Love You!

To Jess: Hello Jessie! Sooo... I AM SEVENTEEN! Thank you for being my netball partner, be it passing, following the ball, running or circle-defending. I think we work well together. Don't you? (: Anyways, thanks for telling me about S and being there when i needed you. 10years of friendship! and i'm glad to be able to reconnect with you. Maha Bodhians ftw! Hee(: Love You lots and thank you for all the sacrifices you've made.

To Marilyn: Heyy Mary! I'M OFFICIALLY 17th! Yours is coming soon too ^^ anyways, I've missed you loads. Thank You for remembering whatever that we've had, and continuing to build on our relationship.I'll remember the secondary school times that we've spent together, in 3/6 and 4/6. Good luck for the rest of JC alrightyyy? And we must be promoted together. We can do it! Love You!!

To Mad: Hello Madman!!! I AM 17! Hee Hee(: I know we're not that close, as compared to Mary and YunShan, but thank you for all that you have done for me. I appreciate it alot. You're really one of a kind and oh! I RESPECT YOU! hahaha(: and Thanks for calling me princess. Love you lots!

So... this is the cake. All-so-strawberry etc. haha! but hey. I LIKE IT.
even though the strawberries are a little sour.
I enjoyed this birthday celebration, with a little tears, a lot more laughs, a couple of smiles but a huge load of happiness.
I won't forget. Thank you parents for working doubly hard today, with the food and cake etc. It was a busy day for you guys. Thank You (:
Neo Jie Wen is now officially seventeen. She will
1) Act a little more like her age.
2) Be more matured.
3) Play Hard, but Work Harder.
4) Stay healthy, and strong.
5) Cry less often.
6) Get promoted.
7) Be happy.
17. the age of maturity. No more disappointments. Let's go!

of course, saving you for LAST.

dearest, Summation, Whale, Jaguar.
so.. your time's up. It's 30/08.
I'm gonna let go of you now. Funny how i wanna tell you so much but just can't bring myself to say it.
But. I'm moving on. It's easier for guys to move on than for girls to. This is a proven fact. Let's just wish that i'll take a little shorter than my previous record of 4years? I... will miss you. most definitely. from looking out for you along the corridors to looking around for you in the canteen. None of these are gonna happen anymore. From sneaking peeks at you during math lectures to searching for you during PE warm-ups. Thank You for giving me the courage to actually take the initiative. It was a good experience. Every look from your eyes, every smile, every converssation weve had, although not many. I'll be locking them up. Nothing else. Nothing more.
Then. I guess it's goodbye?
Until I manage to completely let go, and say that 'The soul you'll never see again, won't be showing scars' (haha i just wanna include this line), I'll keep you at the bottom. Right at the bottom of my heart and mind.
Its 3:00am and i'm awake, thinking. I've decided.
I'm shifting my focus. Dearest, it's Game Over...

2011-08-26T22:37:00.000+08:00

628 > 626. You are kidding me right?

2011-08-26T22:18:00.002+08:00

OMG MY FIRST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION TODAY!!

Buddy, and Mad&Mary surprised or rather, ambushed me in school today.
those three damn cute. suddenly on my way out of school, i see a random cake lying in the middle of the corridor, with lighted candles. HAHA! Then went to NEX for dinner with them.
And i realised, it's the first time i stayed till so late with them!
couldn't get photos yet, but will update once i get my hands on them.
Thank you Buddy, Mad and Mary for ambushing me, and Jess for being their accomplice. I love you people lots. Even more than i can say. maybe i couldn't give you all the reaction you all want (okay, i was thinking whether to cry anot) but i'm really really touched. Thankyou, and i'll remember this day, and every other birthday you guys celebrated with me.
sec3 - ecp surprise.
sec4 - 16 donuts surprise (uptil now, I still have donutphobia!)
JC1 - Mysterious cake ambush.
Seriously, where to find such awesome friends?
I am thankful for all of you, and have i said I LOVE YOU? maybe i did, but yes.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Shopping trip with cousins tmr, and birthday Celebration/House Warming on monday. Gonna be a busy bee! I'm excited!!! and today's a friday, and I'm in a Good Mood! this tells us, that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! (:

2011-08-20T11:26:00.003+08:00

From 625>624>625>626>628.

I said that I'll give up. But i can never bring myself to do it. Then,
I said that i wont give you up. not just yet.
I said that i'll keep you out for that one night. but i just cant do it.
I said that by 30/08, if i still dont get a response, i'll let you go.
I said that i miss you. I didn't know that you can affect me like that.
Why are you making it so painful?
If you wanna reject me, just reject me straight.
I'm a big girl now. I can take it. At most it's just one or two tears.
Nothing to be afraid of.
But please, stop leading me on when you dont even bother to give me a chance to prove myself.

People tell me that it is impossible for you to not accept.
So? i foolishly, stupidly took the first move. Absurd.
85% of guys in the world are waiting for girls to make the first move. I tried to use that to convince myself. Total rubbish.
Maybe he's mugging, was what others tried to comfort me with. 1 week passed.
He doesn't come online often. Okay, not like i dont have eyes to see it for myself.

Just when i thought that the hole in my heart was filling up, i realised, that he wasn't healing me. He was punching in holes of his own.

Buddy told me, if you like two guys at the same time, always choose the second one. Because if you like the first guy enough, you wont fall for the second one. Thus, i threw the expired milk into the bin. Not that i regretted. Gave up so much. All for you. Bloody hell.

I'm such a joke. I should've seen this coming. 30th of August. Sweet 17th and the day that makes or breaks me. We'll wait and see.

2011-08-15T13:31:00.001+08:00

Dearest,
What do you want to show me?
What are you trying to say?
Everything you do is so misleading.
Don't tell me this is my wishful thinking?

2011-08-08T23:17:00.001+08:00

Great day today. Had lots of fun! Shall blog more next time.
not in the mood now.
I clicked on the stupid button. And i'm currently waiting PATIENTLY for the suspense to swallow me up whole. :/

2011-08-07T10:29:00.003+08:00

Hi world! Okay I'm updating on a Sunday again(:
Woke up to a rainy day, and I feel so cold now. My aircon's not even turned on! The bad weather's not enough to change my mood though. Hee(:

Anyway, I met my goal for the week! This week was sooooo much better. School's still the same, had my last training yesterday, only gonna resume after OP is over. Gonna study like mad now for promos. Sickening but unavoidable.. That's why I'm a student I guess. Then, oh. Mum made plans to go to Cameron Highlands during the Sept holidays. During the weekends, till the first Monday of my holiday. Please please please do not clash with any of my remedials or lessons whatsoever. Especially math. But I'll be going with my cousins though, so hope it'll be fun (:

National day celebration tmr. we're gonna have this charity walk, and guess what? I'm gonna be a road marshall(?)! Just pray that I won't get myself or anybody else into trouble.
At least I'll get to see whaley tmr. Then after that'll be a long 2day break! Awesome or awesome?

Okay. Hardwork all day long today. Let's go(:

2011-08-07T10:25:00.002+08:00

My dear, must you leave me hanging?
I keep wondering - do you want me the same way I do?
Confessing that I miss you feel so strangely unfamiliar.
I hope it's not wishful thinking.

2011-07-31T21:45:00.003+08:00

I love this COVER! the lyrics to this song is really meaningful.
and yes, I'm Officially Missing You.
It's on replay~

anyways, PW meeting today at J8.
We became interior designers! So fun playing with this interior design software.
Pretty productive, so rare! (:

Goal for the week: To be Happy! once again. hope this week will be a happy week.
Anyway, i'll get to see Buddy tmr! and morning run with Jess.

Okay. for now, byebye.

P/s: Save the whales! They are unique and endangered species that are so cute and awesome. Heh, maybe i'm just biased, but i had the most absurd dream about whaley yesterday. SAVE WHALES! SAVE THE EARTH!

2011-07-30T16:59:00.004+08:00

I didn't meet my goal for the week.
This week, i wasn't happy. Not At All.
So much pressure, so much disappointment, so much hate, so much heartbreaks.
So many times i was close to breaking down.
So many smiles that I faked.
Is it just me, or is JC life slowing sucking away all my happiness and turning me lifeless zombie?
I feel stuck in this inflexible daily routine. Everything is so systematic.
I feel as if i'm trying to catch an invisible bus.
No matter how hard i sprint, how hard i run, how high i jump, i just can't catch up.
Who the hell said running for a bus was easy? :/
I dont know why i dont have a grip on my moods anymore.
I used to be able to control them well. What is happening?
Even i was shocked by how fast my moods can change.
I dont even bother defending myself anymore.
Whenever i'm wronged or misunderstood by my family etc, i just suck up all their accusations.
I feel that arguing is too tiring, and it leads me to nowhere.
So, i just absorb. Suck it all up, kinda like a sponge.
it's kinda like how earthquakes occur. When the pent up energy is released because of slips etc, it will result in an earth shattering, heartbreaking, life threatening, ground moving earthquake.
I did not let A Lim down(:

So... Conclusion: JC life will change you completely. It's like a leech that sucks away all your joy, leaving you high and dry. It changes your perspective of things. Perhaps some will say that this is maturing. But i think that this is crazy. You'll start to use excuses like 'i'm tired.' or 'i'm sleepy.' to avoid being questioned about your mood. The first thing you do when you reach home is not to watch TV, but to study. You get less than or equals to 6hours of sleep a day, for me. You get teachers that are so bloody sarcastic and they can't teach. And honestly, you'll feel so f-ed up. All Day Long. So people, think properly before coming to a JC.

on a brighter note, milk has officially expired.
The tug of war is over.
Okay.. i dont see how this is supposed to be 'on a brighter note', but yeah.
pray that tmr will be a better day.
goodbye and see you next time.

2011-07-26T20:21:00.002+08:00

Let the past pass.
Let the disappointment fade.
Now, it's time to make a come back.
Now is the time to buck up.

C'mon JieWen! The halfway mark of this two year marathon is near!
You can do it!
Failures always lead to success. Believe it or not.

And WTH?! Whaley = China man And 28 year old person?!
My taste got so bad mehh!!

2011-07-24T22:31:00.002+08:00

My goal for the week - Be Happy.

To click or not to click, that's the question.
Somebody give me the guts and courage.

2011-07-24T00:23:00.003+08:00

Guess I'm overthinking.

2011-07-23T10:49:00.002+08:00

Physics - S
Math - S
Chemistry - U
Econs - S
GP - E.
Tell me how to not feel stupid.
Tell me how to not feel discouraged.
Tell me how to work harder.
Tell me that I can still make it.
Tell me not to give up.

I've never ever had results like this in my life. Honestly.
Following instructions don't necessarily work.

I've tried all study methods - reading, doing notes, mindmaps, solving questions.
NONE of it worked.

Tell me how to work harder.
Tell me how to not feel demoralized.

2011-07-21T23:24:00.002+08:00

Overload.
Mentally, Physically, Emotionally.

2011-07-20T22:08:00.005+08:00

Quoted from Yi Shing:

"Although it(milk)'d long past its expiry date, it's still trying to stay in the fridge."

All this must be a joke. Why are the heavens playing with me?
It's like a endless tug of war. So far, no one is winning.

But a winner will have to emerge sooner or later.

Afternoon PE tmr. I have to be honest.

I'm scared, not just because of the PT.

2011-07-19T13:49:00.002+08:00

I know that we have nothing.
But why am I feeling so crushed?
Can anybody take away my sadness?
Can sumone save me from this heartbreak?

2011-07-17T22:30:00.017+08:00

I know I've done something similar before.

I know that not many people will see this.

But I also know that i should be thankful for you in my life.

Yes, YOU. Ng Yun Shan aka my Buddy.

I remember us. Almost everything of us.

What we had. What we have now, and What's about to come next.

There are so many chapters in our friendship.

Are you ready to listen to the story of us?

Dedicated to my buddy, thank you, once again, for being in my life.

I remember that we first met at higher chinese class. You set beside me, at the last row, closest to the door.

You wore your specs. Nobody said anything. All we know is that we were from the same school.

Met you again during Netball trng at SAC. Couldn't recognise you AT ALL. You taught me all the footwork and basics.

SAC Netball team mates (2007-2008).

Terrified of you when you called me a poser for buying the same bag as you. Just the design. Not the colour or pattern.

You were in 1/8 while i was in 1/7.

When you taught me how to do T-defence - One boob out, one boob in.

When you opted out for netball and leaving me all alone. Not literally.

When Netball became my passion because you taught me all the basics that i didn't know. Uptil now, netball still remains an important part of me.

When things started to get better for us during sec one. even if i'm still scared of you.

When you texted me that we'll be in the same class for sec two - 2/7.

When we were both in 2/7, niched for performing arts.

When our inde numbers are one after another. i was 24, you were 25.

When we were in the same clique with 3 other people.

When things started to take a turn for the bad. For me at least.

When the clique wanted to leave me out. They wanted to abandon me. They wanted to kick me out.

When I asked you, "So are you gonna leave me?", as i held my breath, waiting for the worst to hit me.

When you said "No? Please lahh." and that you'll never leave me and stood by my side.

When you gave up those fun-loving people to stay with me. The ordinary, not-so-humorous, not-so-pretty, not-so-popular girl.

When I promised myself and made a vow that i'll stay by your side too.

When i nearly became a social outcast, scarred for my secondary school life. Friendless, no one to talk to, no one to give me support. You held me up.

When i recall now, that i owe everything to you. Friends, happiness, passion, everything.

When we both sat at the last row in class. Side by side.

When we were in the same dance group for dance lessons and also when the teacher praised us.

When you told me that one of your ambitions was to become a dancer.

When we went for drama lessons and had hell loads of fun.

When we went to music classes and performed a duet on the piano together, getting praises and compliments.

When you became a basketballer, from a netballer.

When you shared the news of someone confessing to you.

When we climbed up about 6 flights of stairs to get to the third floor to see her.

When i gave you advice on you relationship. When you were upset. When you were angry. When you were worried. When you were jealous.

When you told me that you wanted to lose weight.

When you went to cut your hair short.

When we invented T.O.L.E.R.A.T.E.

When you were able to take both Drama EP and Music EP.

When we were 'Jiang Lao Shi' 's favourite studen ts.

When we often camwhored at the last row. Hiding our phones in your big big OP pencil case.

When we had 'qiang qiang' for our HCL teacher.

When we became super models for sec2 be yourself day or racial harmony day or sth.

When she broke your heart and i gave you a hug for the first time. You cried, I comforted. It's been this way since.

When you lost 10kg of weight. OHMYGOD.

When you gave me this bloody surprising surprise on my birthday. At ECP. yes, you know what i'm saying. Thank you for bringing him over bud. Was so super duper speechless and in shock.

When uptil now, i still cant figure out how you guys did it. You guys can become secret agents(:

Ah ma ga li gong~

When we both got top 10 positions in class.

When we went home and chose the same subject combinations.

When we were still girls.

When we got into the same class, 3/6.

When we took the same combinations - Emath, Amath, Chem, Physics, Pure Geog, Hist/SS elect, Higher Chinese.

When you started to fall ill easily. You frequent the doctor's more often and got me really worried.

When we had our first official fight.

When we pretended that nothing happened and continued going for breaks with the clique. Nobody knew anything. It was between us two. Plus mary of course. Okay. Us THREE.

When we sneaked to TM twice before higher chinese started and eventually, getting caught by my mum :/

When you didn't care about results at all.

When Mr Nizam changed your seat from the back to the second row in front. Away from me :(

When you slept even more during classes then.

When you managed to convince him to let you sit behind again. Havoc starts(:

when i introduced you to kpop. I was mad crazy. Yes, i admit.

When you started singing along - Gee Gee Gee Gee Gee~ and even dancing on bus 28.

When my favourite idol group kept changing - DBSK, SHINee, MBLAQ, CNBLUE etc etc.

When you tolerated this craziness of mine.

That awkward moment when you realised that i was actually very lame.

When we made rabbit jokes.

When you officially broke up with her.

When we went to A Lim's classes together. Such an awesome teacher. my favourite teacher uptil now.

When we became teenage girls.

When we promoted to Sec4 - 4/6.

When you promised to study hard.

When we went for Chem consultations together.

When we went for SS consultations.

When we went for History consultations.

When we went to see Mrs Ethel(?) Koh together.

When you always stole my Popcorn chicke from my popcorn chicken rice! But it's okay(: sharing is caring.

When you munched on nachos non stop.

When you proved me wrong that O Levels is a 2year course.

When this famous sports brand came about.

When i've learnt to self-cenor some words that i say to you. like... "N*doooooooooooootttt*"

When we had our first piggyback at the sports carnival. Should we make this a yearly tradition? hee(:

When it was my 16th birthday and we celebrated it at Suntec.

The bloody 16 freaking donuts that i swallowed after 1 soup, 1 main course and 1 drink. i'm proud of my stomach.

Please don't do anything funny this 17th birthday buddy. i might just die. haha!

When we went out to study together at NLB. at Han's. most frequently. when you drink your kiwi sth. hehe!

When you decided to compromise for me. I cried. I really did. What have i done in my past life for me to deserve you?

When we had lessons at the Music Room.

When we flipped through TYS, assessmet books, Guidebooks, textbooks notbooks just to find that exact answer to our questions.

When we laughed at Mr Quek's Umbrerra. and acceltion.

When you wished me goodluck for my DSA auditions.

When i texted you, that i made it.

When we finally understand waht HARDCORE studying was all about.

When we wore heels to school for graduation. Walking like penguins.

When we put on that graduation robe.

When we graduated from SAC. Going on stage to collect our certs.

When we became Matured teenage girls.

When we finally finished our Pysics Paper, on the last day, at 9:00AM.

When we went to parkway after that with your cousins.

When we went to celebrate your birthday at Fruit Paradise.

Who can forget? SHOPPING! New Look, Forever 21, Diva, TopShop etc. From Raffles City to Suntec, to marina Square.

Suntec secret toilet! "Eh. How many korean words you learn ah?" LOL

In my head and Just the Way You Are when problem arises.

Popular at Bras basah! book shopping is always fun(:

Fruit Paradise when we're tired. TEA? Rose and Peach Tea~

When we went back to SAC for our results. You gripped my hand. i held onto yours. Both dying of anxiety and nervousness. People around us crying wasn't really helping much.

When we saw that there was 100% pass for Geog. We screamed.

When we got back our results. You cried. I cried with you.

When you told me that you got into CJC. Yes, Catholic Junior College.

When we wore that Blue-and-White school uniform for one last time.

When we became real CJCians.

When we need to HARDCORE study every single freaking day.

When you became a netballer from a basketballer.

When we played on the same team once again.

When we had morning runs. 2.4km, twice a week.

When we went for Netball Camp.

When we ran 28 rounds that day.

When we 'taupok'-ed Jess.

when you said you couldn't breathe at the bottom.

When we slept next to each other, side by side, for the first time.

When we sneaked out like spies to go to the toilet.

When you told me about Zalad.

When i asked - Where? Where? Which one? until i 'know' him so well to have weird and spy-like dreams about him. UGHH, stop polluting my dreams! LOL.

When we had our second piggyback.

When you went on Permanent MC Temporarily.

When you went to support me during the A Divs.

When you patted my back and said that i did well for the NUS High game.

When we went shopping for Mothers' Day Present together, at Woodlands. After our last Netball win against YJC.

When we wore the light blue uniform back to SAC to collect our GCE certs. wanting to find teachers but all not in school. zzz

When you came over to my grandma's house to study.

When we went for our jog around the park.

When we went to swing on the swings meant for 10 and below. Relive our childhood luhh. lucky never break. LOL.

Yvonne Archuleta. HAHAHA!

When we had our favourite song - David Archuleta - Crush!

Song charades when we cracked up the entire team with our grenade. heehee!

Would you rather be Sun-burnt or San-burnt?

When we had our morning team runs every friday.

Sports Carnival finishing judges. we've got sharp sharp eyes!

When jess said that we got good chemistry. like duhh... haha

When we had our little cold war.

When i was so helpless that we were drifting apart.

When we cant be in the same class.

when we couldn't gossip like before.

When i broke so many promises i promised to keep. okay, what?

When our means of communication because of different schedules was through a phone.

When we dont text as frequent anymore.

When we only met up once during the June holidays.

When we both fell sick during the June holidays.

When we went for our Midyear papers.

When I ended on Thurs while you ended on Friday.

when i woke up at 6AM to wish you goodluck.

When i waited for you at the circle line train station. First time exploring my new neighbourhood. unfortunately, getting lost. AT NEX :/

When we went for grocery shopping at NEX.

When you came to my house to cook pasta.

When we talked and when i told you about Whale jaguar and Milk.

When you have your Aglio Olio almost everyday. okay, too much. manybe twice a week? BUT STILL!

Secret plan. Must i elaborate? SECRET...

When i updated you about Whalieeeee. "hey..."

When Madman approved MILK!!! Woahwoahwoah. so polite. 'Hmm. Thank You!" LOL!

When we went out for dinner with my mum after friday's trng.

When she said that you were thin.

When she tried to brainwash us about boyfriends. yes, i've heard it. Don't worry Mum.

When we've both realised that she've accepted you.

POWERPUFF GRLS vs THREE BLIND MICE?

POOH vs PIGLET?

Stalked falling for the Stalker? (sounds like some story like pride and prejudice.)

Laoshu vs DaMi?

When i read your blog post and teared. abit.

When i'm writing this post, typing every single word, hitting every single key. backspace, Enter etc(:

When tears just come out naturally.

When i look back on how far we've came.

From two girls who don't know each other.

To team mates.

To class mates.

To good friends.

To same clique.

To Loyal companions.

To Best friends.

To Buddies.

From young ignorant girls.

To teenagers.

To matured girls.

To women of integrity. (as copied from SAC ahndbook.)

From so far apart to inseparable. Not literally.

From being so scared of you, to loving you for who you are.

I can't give you all that you want. but i can try my best to fulfil most of your needs. i'm sorry if i neglected you during these past 5 months. I know we're drifting. let's work together to bring back what was ours. Deal or No Deal? I love you. The one and Only, forever and always, my buddy,

Ng Yun Shan, Yvonne.

2011-07-16T20:48:00.002+08:00

Give me another sign Mr S.
Let us be something more than strangers.
Please don't disappoint me?

2011-07-14T21:42:00.001+08:00

Today, I'm happy(:

nothing can change my mood tonight.

2011-07-11T18:15:00.002+08:00

So many things I wished you knew.
So many things you ought to know.
So many thoughts that I wished to tell.
So many feelings that I'd hope you acknowlegde.
So many signals that you conveniently ignored.
So many walls that I need to knock down.
So many, but there's only one me.

Anyways, Chinese oral today. It was... FAST?

2011-07-07T17:33:00.002+08:00

Even summation can't bring a real smile to my face today.
That's right NJW. Continue hiding behind your smiles.

2011-07-03T20:39:00.002+08:00

I've learnt my lesson.
Trust no one.
Learnt to keep everything to myself.
I deserve what i deserved.
The walls will be built higher.
Don't think that I don't know.
Have a nice day and goodnight.

2011-07-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

Haven't been updating for a long time. i'm awfully sorry. Hee(:
anyways, MidYears are over. i think i'm screwed, except chinese. maybe econs? haha. i have no idea why i chose PCME. i should've went to the arts stream luhh. or take hybrid like buddy. hmmm.

had a fun day today cooking pasta and catching up with buddy at my place(: my culinary skills deproved(?).. but can't blame me. how many million years never cook alr? if bake i still can. wait for my oven. haven buy yet. still at courts. haha! can't wait to bake. cookies, muffins, cupcakes (:

Oh! went for grocery shopping at NEX. got lost :/ feel damn suagu can? haha! but it was fun. i need need need to familiarise myself with my neoghbourhood. i have 0% knowledge on it. i swear. and lucky i live near the stadium. gotta start running. or i'm gonna die when training resumes.

then, after cooking, the kitchen looked like a disaster-struck zone. but we still managed to clean it up. hee(: today was the most fun i've had in weeks. no kidding. was so busy studying for midyears/moving/packing/unpacking etc. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? i havent seen buddy for 1 month. 1 FREAKING MONTH. if she never say i also didn't realise. omgg...

told her about m and s today. sorry if you weren't the first to know. next time, you will be(: got everything that i've been holding in off my chest at once. feel so much better now. A burden shared is a burden halved isn't it? hee :]

Today's conclusion: Me and Buddy are TOTAL OPPOSITES. hahahaha!
Today's joke of the day: Z + salad = Zalad. LMAO!

i thought i've forgotten you but i haven't. i just can't help it. we're unlike poles. we attract.

2011-06-14T11:29:00.002+08:00

it sucks to be sick.. especially during this timing...
was running a fever yesterday and today. sore throat, cough, and muscle aches.
so.. i kinda sound like a frog/toad now and my body is feeling damn warm. croak croak. sighh.

missed cousin's outing today, all because of stupid fever. fml. after so long of planning.
and i have no idea how i am suppose to study. cough syrup keeps knocking me out.
sighh. goodbye good results for mye. i just pray that i can pass everything. omg. i need all my all 'E's ):

anyway, i feel like eating porridge. but nobody's home to cook for me. really really freaking miss homecooked food. and Oh! DO NOT EAT MACS 4 TIMES A WEEK OR YOU WILL END UP LIKE ME. lol.

okay. bye world. i can feel the effect of cough syrup kicking in.

2011-06-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

HI WORLD!

today is a happy day! study date was successful, and got to spend almost the whole day with buddy. Madman and Lorraine came afterwards. so after studying we went to raffles city to have lunch/dinner - dinch? XD - together. ate at The Hand Burger. the food there... tastes.... idk just dont go. haha! then went to sit and talked, and took pictures. well, today was pretty productive and happy for me(: then after that went to AMK hub to watch KUNGFU PANDA 2 again, this time is with my family. hmm. watching it a second time makes it not as funny as before. i dunno. OMG. i think i got the panda craze recently. i ate like Hello PANDA today morning, went to watch kungfu PANDA twice and now i have like PANDA dark circles. LMAO! and, i satisfied my craving for instant noodles. soooo happy today. haha! :3

yeah anyways. goodbye to going out and everything. from tmr till friday, it'll be nothing but productive studying. fighting!(: daily agenda: eat, study, RUN, sleep.

i'll get over you. i need to. you're too big a distraction. it's okay if i lose my motivation. i'd rather lose it than to destroy what we have now. i'll get over you. i'll try. absence makes the heart grow fonder. i wish otherwise.
look into the mirror what do i see? i look into my heart and what do i find? an empty shell. i've lived with it for 6years. i'll make it.

2011-06-04T18:43:00.002+08:00

feeling super unwell now. giddy and nauseous and everything.
i hate being sick. but i can shake it off with food and sleep. ):
i am currently typing this post while lying on my bed. PRO OR WHAT? haha!

anyways, study date/fruit paradise on monday with buddy, then maybe cousin outing on 14/15th. then MOVING ON THE 19TH!!! and blehhh..... packing on the 17/18th... hate packing..

waiting for my macs to arrive. i think i've been really unhealthy recently, like... junk food and fast food 24/7. this is what happens when your maid goes home. no homecook food, and MSG becoming your best companion. i miss homecooked food ):

okay. i still feel sick. ah whatever. byebye.
i'll miss you. definitely.

2011-05-31T16:36:00.004+08:00

"Hi! How are you?"

"I'm Fine."

Fine - Frustrated Irritated Negative Exhausted.

__________________________

Anyway, these two days've been tiring. School for this whole week when we're promised a holiday. oh well. might as well make the best out of it. training yesterday and my whole back is aching now, plus ankle hurts. )':

had math lect today, had fun pranking people, but physics tutorial after that totally ruined my day. what a turn-off... Macs in the morning, macs in the afternoon. Macs for dinner too? haha hope not. i feel so unhealthy. oh. and i found out that my sixth sense is really accurate. I had a feeling that we'll run for warm up yesteray and we really did. 20mins around the school. haha! had fun cheering and running.

LET'S GO CJ NETBALL! :3

Can't wait for 19th to come. Can't wait to MOVE! Can't wait to decorate my room! like really. Note to self: Buy photo paper to print out all my photos before we move! ARGHH! and my room is not, NOT gonna be in pink/purple girlie colours. It's gonna be WHITE~ so pretty (:(: CAN'T WAIT!!! :D

okay. agenda for today: eat, shower, study. well, that's like my agenda for like... everyday. hee.

i am not stupid, nor am i ignorant. don't treat me like a fool.

i hate what i'm feeling. i hate all these expectations. i'm choking, falling, tumbling into nothing.

2011-05-27T19:31:00.004+08:00

I think the only reason I haven't grabbed your face and kissed your brains out already is because you're so much taller than me that it's inconvenient.

_______________________________________

So sweet! (lessthan3) :3 *knocks head to stop imagination*

anyways, thank you angels for granting my wish. these 2 days was a blast! Spent my last two days in school hanging with the awesome T18 people. KUNGFU PANDA 2 on Thurs at Lido. Was super funny and i was super high when the movie ended. Was laughing and jumping around like nobody's business. :3 Today was CJC's Sports Carnival. Played Captain's Ball and Cheered like mad. (; Proud of my classmates, for tolerating the hot hot sun and the black black san. HAHA!

JUNE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! so so so thankful for this 1month holiday. For the first time in my life, i'm actually waiting for the holidays to catch up with my studies. Like seriously. JC life is messing with my brain. ~~Hope~~Need to spend this holiday productively. Catch up with work, study for MidYears. Mend drifted relationships and also work on the developing ones. Okay. BusyBusyBusy holidays! (: but i'd rather bury myself in work than to be slack and think of weird stuff. "Give work to those people who are busy and not to those who are slack. Because busy people have good time management and will be able to produce good quality work."

he came first. you came second. First and Second. Which part of this do i not understand? but i came first. she came second. You chose her over me. Which part of that do you want me to understand?

It amazing how you make me smile unknowingly. How you make me melt into a puddle inside. How you catch my attention from miles away. How my thoughts unknowlingly drift to you. How did you do this? It's like you've put a magic spell on me. Nobody else came close.

2011-05-25T17:08:00.002+08:00

Dear angels.
Please just let me survive through the week. Let me have a little bit less of heartache, guilt, regret and disappointment. Give me the energy to keep it going. I must not break down. I feel so close to snapping but there's nothing I can do about it. Please just grant my wish.

GP paper tmr. I need to do well.

2011-05-25T00:08:00.002+08:00

gentle words, harsh impact.

i feel everything inside crumbling into bits.

it's so foolish of me to let your words affect me.

so what if i'm a disappointment?

so what if you have authority to control me?

so what if i'm part of your team?

i have my LIMITS and BOUNDARIES.

you have no right to make me feel this awful.

i hate this feeling of guilt and helplessness.

this week is the worst week of the month i swear. nothing's going right. NOTHING. absolute zero.

the week is basically f-ed up, and i lost count of the number times i got pissed/angry. so much for finding my self control.

at least i have great friends that'll be there when i need to rant, or when i need a hug. OH! and also sacrificing to be my punching bag! hee(: love you ttm. :33

okay. it's like 12.17am. go to bed people. oh. i get less sleep than bieber. Bieber gets like 6h of sleep a day. i get less. how awesome.

you've caught my eye and you wont return it back. thank you for making me smile today and at least bringing a little colour to my dull day. thank you very much my sweet stranger.

2011-05-21T22:26:00.002+08:00

gonna post this before i sleep, and also before i forget when i wake up tmr.
went out with buddy today and we were discussing about our ideal types :3
thought about this for a bit cause buddy says you cannot be biased. hmmm.
so my ideal type must:

1. Taller than me. (preferably 180 and above)
2. Not smoke. (urgh!)
3. Not have any tattoos. (double urgh!!)
4. Be sporty. (so that we can workout together)
5. Be tanned. (but not charred or it'll be like looking at mr san everyday)
6. Treat me with respect. (not biased because of gender cause girls can do what guys do too)
7. Good in academics.
8. Play the guitar. (to serenade me)
9. Understand me well, and able to predict my every move. (even if it can be annoying)
10. Accept my flaws.
11. Provide me with the security I need.
12. Stand up for me, supporting me.
13. Not be too vulgar and uncouthed. (everybody swears, but over-swearing is just not cool)
14. Treat me well. (okay. this is a fundamental requirement -.-)
15. KNOWS NETBALL RULES. (to facilitate conversations. if he cares enough, he'll go learn)
16. NOT make me cry.
17. Really put in his all. (because i will be giving my all too)
18. MUST BE A GENTLEMEN.***

woah okay. so many conditions. i think i can just go find a robot to be my future husband.
guys like that don't exist in this century. they've all disappeared and poof-ed into thin air.
it is 2points. omgg pathetic.
okay whatever. goodnight and sweet dreams.

2011-05-21T16:27:00.003+08:00

deleted what i've typed for 3 times. guess i don't know what to say, what to type anymore.

i'm happy but sad at the same time.
i'm thrilled but disappointed at the same time.
i'm tired yet not wanting to sleep.
i'm imagining even though i know that things are impossible.

complex? hellyeah. guess this is life.
best thing i wish can have is a warm cup of milk and burying myself inside its warmth.

even though i know that i don't deserve it and i'm not good and worthy enough for it.

2011-05-16T23:37:00.002+08:00

it's only monday, and i'm already so tired.
thankful that there's a holiday tmr :3
it'll be studystudystudy again. x.x
think i'm gonna fall sick soon. voice was weird when i woke up today.
became damn low. i think i sound even more like a guy (:

anyway. do you believe and fate and coincidences?
i do now. it's amazing and seriously scary.
how can it be that, out of the so many possibilities, our fates are always intertwined?
magic? destiny? i don't know.

I don't need our story to be like romeo and juliet's.
I don't need a cinderella-like fairytale ending.
I don't want it to be oh-so-perfect. or else what's the point of living life? there should be challenges to spur us on.
I just wish to be happy everyday.
I just hope that miracles will descend upon us.
I just pray that things will take a turn towards the better.

they say that nothing is impossible. i beg to differ. we're impossible.

2011-05-15T20:07:00.002+08:00

recent craze.

2011-05-14T20:02:00.003+08:00

But I don't mind hurting, as long as you're happy.

2011-05-10T16:52:00.002+08:00

Is it me?
Is it my wishful thinking?
Should I trust my intuition?
Continue moving forward or just end my nonsense, right here right now?

Anyway, just to be random.
THE WEATHER THESE FEW DAYS IS CRAZY.
Heading home to mug now. I cannot afford to fail anymore.

2011-05-08T18:20:00.002+08:00

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!!!!!! (:
to all mothers out there, thank you for all the effort you've put in all these years. have an awesome day and take this chance to enjoy the love of your family :3

anyways. spent a productive day at home today, doing my work and preparing notes for MidYears. I CANNOT FLUNK THIS EXAM. Netball's gonna be 1 trng/week until Mid Years are over. so i should know what my priority is.

gotta complete PI, after friday's consultation with ever dearest mr tan, i can conclude that he really suck damn damn damn badly. PI is due next tuesday, and he tell me on friday that i need to generate more ideas. like wtfz-.- tell me earlier! what kind of teacher are you?! seriously. you need help and should be sent to every single teacher course that ever exist! and i bet that you're the only teacher i've ever shown attitude to. ughh....

town tmr with my girls. miss them so much. can't wait!!! gonna have lunch together and some shopping probably (:(: argh. haven't been shopping for a long time. hee :3 so gotta finish all my work today so that i won't have anything t worry about tmr.

i conclude: you dont want me the way i want you.

2011-05-06T18:07:00.003+08:00

you made me hesitate

there's no use putting in so much effort just for your attention.

you rip me apart like a piece of paper.

that's what you do best.

how am i suppose to sleep tonight?

2011-05-05T19:32:00.002+08:00

SEASON'S OVER.
now, it's Netball=Studies.
Have a lot of catching up to do, and no more slacking!
NO MORE SLEEPING IN LECTURES/TUTORIALS! (especially Physics)
Cmon you can do it(:

2011-05-02T11:26:00.002+08:00

TODAY IS FAMILY LAUNDRY DAY! (:
cause my whole family like doing laundry together. funny ttm.

anyways, finished my PI final. TCP better accept it this time and actually read it before giving me 'constructive feedback' -.- gonna work on my econs notes later, do some math, then head to tuition later. physics... headache ):

anyways, match with NUS High tmr. can't wait. cause it'll be our first win. tmr, CJC NETBALL IS GONNA KICK BUTT! argh. but i'll be missing like hell alot of lessons and PE and lectures etc etc. so got quite alot of catching up to do. but oh well.

and it's already may! omgg why is it so fast?! there's like only 1 and a half years left before A Levels! shucks ):): May, please be nice to me. April's been a not-so-good month. please don't demoralize me any further. please and thank you veryveryvery much! :3

seriously. i really don't feel anything for you anymore.

2011-05-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

you are not inferior to anybody, unless you choose to be.

2011-04-30T14:14:00.003+08:00

you're such a letdown.
'LEVEL UP'! i'm really not gonna bother anymore.
you're not worth it.

anyways. back from grandma's birthday dinner. so full but the food was awesome(:
caught up with my cousins, planned for our next cousins' outing. which will be in June.
can't wait! it's gonna be a picnic this time round. so i'm anticipating lots and lots of fun under the sun. (:

gonna start my studies tmr. one day of fun is enough. gonna have mothers' day celebration tmr night though. so... hee(:(: today was a horrendous day. i learnt my lesson that horoscope readings should not be trusted. NOT! my day was suppose to be good today. guess not.

what's happening to us?

2011-04-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

Just to make things clear:
Infatuation is the state of being inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.
Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.

Infatuation is weakened by time and separation.
they are different. i'm infatuated with you. i don't love you.

~~right?~~ yes.

2011-04-29T20:03:00.002+08:00

Hi world(:
it's FRIDAY! another long weekend. awesome^^

anyways. my left eye is swollen now. cause i got hit by the ball during training just now. it was hell big of an impact. began tearing like immediately, and my whole left side was numb for about 1 minute ): haha! then iced it and it became better. training today was funn~ especially the game at the end. so fun! hee. and on tuesday, we're gonna have match against NUS High at RP. WE'RE GONNA KICK BUTT. as quoted from mr san 'there's no reason why we should lose.' so buck up netballers! that win is ours. LET'S SHOW THEM WHO WE ARE! (:(:

this week passed quite fast actually. Had my NAPFA 5items, match with RJ, etc etc. learnt to be more independent, to rely less on others, to look before jumping into a hole. tired this whole week, so went home and just crashed every night. haha. damn fail.

was pissed, was happy, was contented, was sad, was disappointed, was let-down, was upset.
am gonna be happy, thinking positive, gonna feel accomplished, gonna try to make things work out.

you've gotten my impression changed. i'm thinking whether i made a right decision of falling for you. we are from two different world. even though we have so many similarities, we are just so different. you are like a wall-cold and hard. unbreakable. you're composure is like a shield. undestructable. like the sun, you have a warm and loving core. but it will burn and devastate me to get reach the core and open up your heart. now, i don't even know what i want. to hold on or to let it all fade away. i've changed. you're the cause.

2011-04-27T21:54:00.002+08:00

I am on the verge of snapping.
Patience is thinning, and i'm mentally and physically drained.

Match with RJ today. although we lost, 65-18, i think it was an good learning experience. I hate it when we return to school and people go like 'how bad did you all get trashed?' like wtf seriously. CJ Netball is not as weak as you think. We train hard for every training, go all out for matches. this season may be over, but next year it'll be different. just wait and see.
i think i injured my ankle today during match ): hurts now. Match + training +2.4km run +math lesson today. i'm super tired like seriously. can't do anything now. feel so useless. oh, googled the sports leader quiz thing. omggg... why must they ask me abt football etc. i don't know shit abt football. it's giving me a headache -.-

hope tmr will be a better day. goodnight for now.

and YOU! you annoying, unfriendly, frustrating person! is it so hard for you to be a little bit nicer? arghh.. if i just know what you are thinking. got a feeling this is all gonna be a waste of time. my wishful thinking. me end up getting hurt. me burying my feelings. no. not again please. i've just gotten over those feelings. not again. i can't take it.

2011-04-26T20:16:00.002+08:00

And we stopped at hello.

2011-04-24T22:44:00.001+08:00

need to see your smile.

new week, new hopes.

2011-04-24T21:28:00.003+08:00

Hi world! Today, NeoJieWen is a happy girl(:(:

Have i mentioned that 'I LOVE YOU' my everdearest pooh buddy?
Thankyou for coming into my life, and making things more bearable.
Today was really the 'funnest' day of all weeks. Had fun talking and laughing with you. Glad to know that at least somebody understands how i feel and is on the same 'sampan' as me(: We did like so many things today - study, vectors tuition(i know i'm a good tutor^^), ate lunch, ran like 15rounds(omgg so much!), gossip and finally had our Heart-to-Heart talk. Oh! don't forget owning my brother over and over again. It was damn funny(: not forgetting you and your non-stop munching, and me confiscating your tapioca chips. Our SONG OF THE DAY is CRUSH! by DAVID ARCHULETA((: not forgetting Bruno Mars "i think i wanna marry you~" i'm thankful for such an awesome day, spent with one of the most important person in my heart. OH! i'm bringing my Piglet bottle tmr :D (okay. random;)

love you, and i always will.

-from your everdearest buddy, Piglet JieWen(:

2011-04-23T09:37:00.003+08:00

Came across a bunch of quotes when i was surfing yesterday.

“I wonder, what I could Do or say to make him like me. I wonder, what or who I need to be, to be his. I wonder, when just being me will be enough.”

“And she ignores all the other guys who want her, because she’s too busy noticing him.”

“I never stopped feeling for you, I just stopped letting it show.”

"I wish everyone didn’t have such high expectations of me. Because its bad enough when I let myself down. I don’t need to let everyone else down too. "

"I love him but I cannot show it, want him but he cannot know it, need him but I know it'll never be, if only he needed me. "

"Sometimes, I wonder what you think of me or if you do at all;"

"It is tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but I can't get rid of them."

How nice(:

2011-04-22T18:11:00.001+08:00

2011-04-21T20:30:00.002+08:00

Hi world.

shall update since there's no school tmr(:
have i mentioned to you how much i dislike thursdays?
TCP took our break again for make-up physics tutorial. like wtfreak -.- wasn't listening at all.
then today we celebrated like our class' April babies' birthday.
I've learnt today that singing 3 birthday songs at one go can really make you tired and out of breath. HAHAHA!

had match against AJC yesterday. we lost. Went all out. muscles were like cramping up during the last quarter. but worth it. cause at least we showed to them that CJC NETBALL is so much better. They should be scared of us. We'll show it to them next year. We will be the winners. Good job CJ netballers(: proud of you guys and even more proud to put on our jersey and call all of you team.

Tmr's good friday which means i'm gonna have a free day. First, gonna catch up on my sleep. Second, gonna catch up with music. Third, gonna catch up with piano. Fourth, gonna catch up with my work. OMGzz. busy busy day~ oh. and i got to do PW ):

okbye.

even the smallest things you do make me smile. but there's a wall that's impossible to break down, a barrier impossible to crash through. You're the mysterious stranger that i've came to know. and i don't believe in coincidence. please treat me better. i don't wish to get hurt.

2011-04-17T22:12:00.002+08:00

I love love love this song.

The lyrics are so beautiful.

Inspirational and touching.

Convinced myself that everything's gonna be alright no matter how bad things are.

i'll make it.

2011-04-17T21:46:00.005+08:00

this week's goal - Fight, Focus, Fortify.

Fight hard during the match on Wednesday. Fight hard during training tmr. Focus on the game on Wednesday. Focus on your studies. Focus on your mind. Fortify and endure on We'd match. Fortify and execute on the right commands.

You know you can do it. This time, it's all out.
i need to get you out of my head, evacuate you out of my mind. new feelings fade easily. i'm not gonna let you get in my way. i've learnt my lessons.

2011-04-16T18:10:00.001+08:00

2011-04-15T20:26:00.003+08:00

grouchy and easily irritated now. had friendlies at NYJC today, with TPJC and NYJC. we won TP, but match with NY was stopped because of lightning alert ): why do this always happen to us? was quite disappointed in my performance today, cause i coundn't keep up with my shooter. ankle is hurting now, cause i kinda 'shocked' it just now during warm-up ): in a bad mood today. cause i only slept for 4.5hours, reached school at around 6.55am, had 2.4run, then ankle pain, and i met an ultra niceee shooter. nice to the extent to elbow me and shove me away. wow. it only adds on to my frustrations. what's wrong with me these few days... dentist tmr at 9.15am, which means that i can't sleep in. then tuition at 11, and piano at 2. i' a busy person. nothing from you. i'm disappointed. thought that we were closer, that the barrier was broken. guess not. you're still as cold as ever.

2011-04-14T21:14:00.003+08:00

Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear.

_______________________________________________

Hi world.

friendly with TJC and NYJC at NYJC tmr(: can't wait. hope it doesn't rain. oh! pray that lightning alert don't light up! anyways. was in a not-so-good mood today. bet that my face was super dark and scary and stuff. my friends say that i look damn fierce and scary when i don't smile ): is it true? had 1.5hrs of physics today. thank god it was practical, or i'll have to listen to TCP talk about dynamics all day. luckyyyy~ then it rained in the afternoon, so i couldn't do my NAPFA 5items... i wanna get it over and done with so that i can start playing games. but it wouldn't be fun anyway. miss 4/6 alot. miss the times we play captain's ball together, and when captain's ball transformed into touch rug. :D goood times~

failing streak these week. can't get my head aligned. can't focus. i promised buddy. once competition is over, or if i don't make it to the team, which i dunno yet, netball < studies. had morning study session with bud today, tried to squueze in recurrence and sigma into my brain. hmm. wasn't very successful. :x

week's ending soon. tmr's Friday!!!!!!! TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! okbye.

you look good when you smile. so smile more for it brightens my day(:

2011-04-12T19:44:00.002+08:00

Future chemist fails chemistry test.
How ironic. The final blow. I feel like giving up.

2011-04-10T13:17:00.003+08:00

when you feel that you've reached your limit, when you've gave your all, when your heart cannot pump any quicker, when you can't run any faster, it is time to tell yourelf to push harder and never give up.

____________________________________

hi world. i'm taking a break now from studying. i've been up since 8 today to finish all my work. anyways.. had lunch at home, and there was fishball soup. omg damn gross. fishball soup = fishballs floating on soy sauce -.-

first tuition lesson yesterday! finally manage to understand kinematics. 3 topics that i dunno. so 1 down, and 2 more to go ): it's monday again tmr... ): another week of pure mugging and nothing else. OH! gonna collect my o'lvl cert on tuesday with buddy. which means i'm heading back to SAC!!!! (: WHOOSH!

new week. let's make it work.

i doubt what i'm feeling about. it cannot be. not with your cold composure. but why do i care so much about you?

2011-04-07T20:44:00.002+08:00

"Don't be too comfortable to somebody unless you're sure that they won't stab you in the back or break your heart."

______________________________________

Thursday. Got no mood to study at all.

Just got my PW teams today. omg thank the heavens that i got good members that i can work with. thank you!!! WEEEHEEEEE~ then we had this pe lecture which was super funny. laughed non-stop (: swear that isaac lim is darn funny. except the fact that he freaked me out during the sports leader thingy last saturday.

can't wait for tmr. cause it's FRIDAY!!!!! but there's not much to look forward to tmr ): muscles are aching like crap. can't squat/climb stairs properly/run properly. boooooooo! then staurday i'm gonna meet my new tuition teacher. hope that i can click with her, and she gives me just-right amount of homework.

ok bye~

jammed up and flustered. the split second when everything that you have came crashing down. you'll be sad. you'll be stressed out. but you will not cry. so stop promising and start finding solutions.

2011-04-03T22:57:00.002+08:00

After tonight, I realised that I'm a fool. I've been using our broken memories to block the emptiness that I feel. The loneliness can be terrifying, haunting even. I should never've dealed with my feelings this way. I was wrong, and I know it's time to face facts. The world has one more lonely girl.